Let’s consider this plot together, ‘say no to’ is a way of building self-confidence. In the previous article, Let’s get started to ‘say no to’ from the next request, we have talked about the two minds or the two effected results of our avatar, CM3 that I have raised as the example for the ‘cherry monster’ number 3, in the main article “Get Started to Know Your ‘cherry Monsters’ in Life”. The following is talking about the plot from the first article regarding how to cope with this kind of situation.
The Plot of CM3
Just re-image again about the CM3 story from the main article, as an HR in-charge, he has to concentrate on the evaluation and monitoring every staff performance, especially at the end of the month, quarter, and the semester. However, the most requests from the others to do this and that, so how can he do or effort the best on his daily job. You may be in this kind of situation or one of your friends is like that, he or she always care about the feeling of others, and always help others, especially, they are hard to reject every request from friends or people they know. So, it may cause them a habit of difficult to ‘say no to’ other people. And what’s in his mind about that miscellaneous things, he always thinks as follows.
“If I reject doing this for my boss, I may face some difficulty to work what he in the job next.”“If I reject to do that for my colleagues, they may gossip me for any of my mistakes.”“If I reject to do something as per requested from friends, I may lose the maintaining relationship with them.”
From the CM3 point of view, let’s see the plot of his first mind, and what would be happened if he decided to say no to his colleague from the next request. As per the mind mapping of his first image to the negative effected result he thought that “if I refuse to help him, he will be unhappy and he may talk bad about me to others.” “He may report bad about me to boss because he hates me of refusing his request.” And, “I can’t make friends, but an enemy.” However, if you or other people add it more about the result just in imagination I think it may be more worsen than this twice.
It’s totally a complete plot of CM3 regarding his hard to ’say no to’ habit. And what do you think about that as a third person who has heard his story about?
What was His Real Problem?
In fact, something maybe happened not so bad as what people have imagined as the CM3 minded in the above plot. The effected result of your ’say no to’ may have nothing happen. But a person who is in this situation may not think as what we have thought, especially when you’re becoming like CM3. So you have to re-organize your thinking stage or think the system and don’t let the negative part affect your critical thinking. Let’s start to examine what’s the deepest in his mind concerning to problem.
If you think this is a problem for a person, or it may be our problem too, so let’s try to find the cause of this problem together.
From the plot above, you can see that is it smells of scary from CM3? To all rejection, he felt that he’s afraid of facing some difficulty to work that he’s in the next job. He’s afraid of gossip of his colleague for any of his mistakes. He’s afraid of losing the relationship he has maintained or the loss of his friendship. To describe this feeling, you can define it as possible as scary from his mind. Because he’s afraid of those situations he will be facing above so that he dare not to refuse or say no to others.
No Confident, You Dare not to ’Say no to’
Concisely, when people are afraid of something, and they strongly believe that the scary things as what they have imagined will be happening. In this situation, people will seriously focus on the affected result that will be caused by what’s happening. And, they will think that is a huge effect on their daily job or living. Imagine you’re in this thinking mind, he’s afraid of refusing to others, and he thought that the affected of this rejection would cause extreme impact to make him more worry about. He was more worried about his position in the workplace. He was more worried about his relationship with his colleagues or his boss. He was more worry about he made people disappointed. He was more worried about losing a friendship. And, more and more he was worry about, it made him really hard to ’say no to’ those people who asked him to do something. The more he was worry about the more he can’t say no to.
So it was what’s the most worst results that CM3 expected, or we can say the most worst image of the people who adapted the habit of hard to ’say no to’. What is the real thing or feeling that caused people scary or afraid of this happen? The simple answer is, they have no confident to themselves, they have no confident to face all of the happened results. Thus, they imagined those results would be the worst effect to them. And make all the situations of CM3 above become worsen than before. The worsen feeling, working environment, relationship, friendship, etc.
Anyway, along with his mind map, we can figure out that, the effect was not so bad as what he has imagined. At least, people may be a bit upset or unhappy with his rejection, and a few days later their mood or relationship will be recovery.It’s not really worse as results he imagined, and it means that he’s no confident to himself for doing something he’s afraid of. Or he can choose to ’say no to’ on a way of building his self-confidence rather than keep himself on a mess of doing those much burned out his energy and time with unless help to others.
My analysis and conclusion on this situation might be wrong, but I can strongly suggest that people who are highly and strongly confident in themselves, they very ‘bravo’ to say no to or reject to do what is not in their work scope or irrelevant tasks. From this viewpoint, I can accurately define that, if people are hard or dare not to say no to those irrelevant things, their possibility of losing self-confidence or completely no confidence, it’s not concerning to the worst effected results would be happened after the rejection or saying no to. Because the people who have no enough confidence, they are always afraid of doing this or doing that, and more focus on the scary effect would be happening next.
Therefore, let’s try to get rid of all of the worry you may make when facing this situation, and try to say no to. We can step out a small start by choosing the very very small affect thing if you have imagined it will be happened at the time you reject other. Once you have done, then you may do it next, and repeat it over, finally you can do it to overcome the habit of scary to say no to others. A persistent will make you strong enough to fulfill your self-confident. Let’s start to say no to a way of building your self-confident.